GRANGEMOUTH PIRATES EXCLUSIVE MARTIN BAIN SPEAKS
Guest Writer: Martin Bain
“What a terrible night I’ve had in Kaunas – not only have I not been able to find a sunbed anywhere, but we now have to face a season of not playing against Europe’s elite such as Aalborg.
And now Sir David Murray says we need to raise some money. The proposed sale of Alan Gow for £8 million has tonight fallen through as we have found out that Graeme Souness doesn’t manage a team so can’t give us over inflated transfer fees.
So we have decided to launch a tangerine fourth top, which we will never wear and a DVD of “Gazza – The Road to Recovery” – this should be a hard hitting documentary. Hopefully he can get over his recent problems and turn out for Clyde in a pre-season friendly next year.
And finally we have changed our 5% fee for away ticket to a 500% fee – which means we can recoup some of the proposed £10 million we have lost tonight.
However due to Hearts (who I now really hate after tonight), Hibernian and Falkirk not caving into our demands they will face expulsion from the SPL. I have had words with George Peat and this will happen. Apparently Yogi, Mixu and the guy who used to manage Uganda haven’t handed in their disclosure forms relating to child protection. I can reveal Walter Smith hasn’t done this, but we’re Rangers.
So we need the money so we can sign quality players from Derby County, Charlton Athletic and Burnley and compete in Europe. Wait a minute, this might be what went wrong today……………………….”
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