You’ve been Malkied…

Guest writer: Senator Pythagoras Cockshovel II

John Smeaton’s place as Scotland’s leading ‘have a go hero’ is in jeopardy after Senator MacCallum’s recent act of selfless bravery. Malky, or Big Malk as he’s known, came to the rescue of an Edinburgh city do-gooder when he fought off her voilent knife weilding attacker. Malky had this to say:

“Ah jist didnae ken whit wiz happenin like. This in-bred bawbag was upsetin a wuman so a thoat ah’d help hur oot. It aww kindae slowed right doon and the nixt thing, ma Samba’s were flyin throo the air tiwards the boy’s gonads. Ah’m nae hero, anyone else woulda dun the same.”   

We fully expect Big Malk to be awarded the Queens Gallantry Medal – which will be the second such award handed out to our Pirate themed supporters club (in August 2006, Senator Decisive received the same medal for his contributions to the Peoples’ Republic of Croy peace talks).

The question of whether the Pirates will take up crimefighting vigilantism in addition to our existing Scotland football supporting activities will be discussed at the next AGM.

~ by malkyboy on September 27, 2008.