Team photo under flag

Day One
Friday 27th March 2009

Originally Anne Frank was going to write this diary as well, but when the time came for her to jot down a few things, I couldn’t find her, I think she might have been hiding.

The Edinburgh contingent travelled through on the Airport Bus, during the journey Gay Daz received his tartan trousered gift and much time was spent admiring Senator Ferguson’s new kilt. The early seeds of the ‘Sky Rockets In Flight’ song were planted around Corstorphine.

For a change, the Pirates decided to meet at the bar at the Airport and soon the refunded money from the ‘Race to 58’ taxi fiasco was being put to good use buying liquids in jars. The group were relieved to see the ghostly presence of Senator Gav who had quite literally risen from his hospital sick bed to make the trip. He had a set of horse tranquillisers, ‘painkillers’ and other weird tablets the size of dinner plates, to keep him company on the flight. The flight passed uneventfully, many of the Senators spending most of their time standing in a queue to use the toilet.

After a short period of disorientation, the boys got out of Schiphol and into Amsterdam. Senator MacCallum immediately endeared himself to locals by asking ‘what part of Germany is this?’. Two policemen nudged us in the direction of the hotel. There is nothing like a 5 star luxurious hotel and this was nothing like a 5 star luxurious hotel. Forget the Kilimanjaro climb for Comic Relief, our trip to get to our rooms resulted in loss of oxygen and altitude sickness up some ridiculously steep stairs.

luxury digs

Despite Gay Daz not booking the rooms, there were 8 beds for 9 of us. A flea ridden jobby-stained mattress, measuring 4mm in thickness, was quickly ordered for Senator MacCallum and the group headed out into the town.

As Senator Broonaldo does not like curries, the boys decided to go for a curry and soon the delights of Heineken were being sampled at a furious pace. There then followed a pub-crawl around the town, which included….

Gbay and gay wrestler

some homosexual arm-wrestling, a meeting with Grantanamo’s Duddingston teammates, a spot of window-shopping and some criss crossing of a canal.

Day Two
Saturday 28th March 2009
Derek Wetter Day / Match Day

Derek Wetter Day Spag Pic


After heading out for breakfast, the boys met up at a large cellar bar near Dam square. They were cutting it tight, as there was only 8 hours of drinking time before kick off. Much to the delight of the group, Senator Innes produced some ‘Pirate Activity Kits’ and soon the lads around the table had the scissors and glue out to make some lovely garments for the day. The fact that today was Derek Wetter Day made things even better.

paper pirate hats

Match day and the first disaster of the holiday. Despite many attempts, Senator Gav was refused permission to pick up his ticket from the SFA ticket booth. Apparently because he wasn’t called Jennifer Sherrington he wasn’t getting in.

After a steep climb / elevator, the Senators were scattered around the Scotland end in the cavernous Amsterdam ArenA (apart from Senators Broonaldo and Hambleton Loch who were in the posh seats). The match kicked off and we were doing ok for a bit before some schloppy defending meant were were 2-0 down as the ref hooted his half time mouth horn. The second half was a bit bland and the Dirk Kuyt penalty sealed things up for the Dutch. On the way home Senator MacCallum led a small diversion to have a pee behind a hedge beside a canal.

The fans mingled on the train home, the Scots fans were of course more mingled than others, and the talk was of the great Dutch players to have played in Scotland. A quick poll resulted in Falkirk’s central defender Hertz Van Rental to be the best ever.

Senator MacCallum soiled his reputation by going virtually straight home, as did Senator Spag who has never been noted for his legendary 2nd night on holiday stamina. The other lads went back to the cellar bar and discussed some finer points on Dutch renaissance art and the forthcoming G20 summit in London, or maybe they just got plummed on the Heineken.

Day 3
Sunday 29th March 2009
Senator Inez’s Birthday

Innes birthday kiss

The boys split into the culture and sport camps today. Senators Gav, Grantanamo, Broonaldo, Hambleton Loch went to museums, on pedalos in canals, sampled local produce, whilst Senators MacCallum, Innes, Spag, Gay Daz and Spag went to sample a football match: AGOVV Applejuice v Go Ahead Eagles.

The match was played in a cute wee stadium in a forest. The artificial pitch was heavily watered and was flanked by cherub-cheeked ball boys with marvellously full heads of hair. The kilts attracted some attention from the locals, but the main attraction was kneecap shaped lumps of miscellaneous meats that were served on rolls to the fans. In the end the Birds of Prey won 5-1 in an entertaining match.

By this time Senator Innes had well and truly lost his phone. As it was one of the very early mobile phones, dating from 1987, it was understandable he was quite upset at losing this, he was all set to donate it to the Dutch mobile phone museum in Klinkenpoop.

The train journeys home allowed the boys to sample the first beery delights of the day, a quick stop off at the hovel, I mean hotel and then it was out again into the bars for more local culture. By this time Senators Innes and Gav were off to Utrecht for a gig, so the rest of the boys got tucked into swally and then headed towards the Leidesplein for some food. An unfortunate incident occurred in the restaurant when Gay Daz asked the perfectly nice waitress if she had meatballs, no need for that.

After some swally and comedy photographs at the adjacent bar, the boys ended up at some deserted nightclub where there was some shameful behaviour with floral garlands, sunglasses, invisiball (trademark Race to 58) table tennis, naked dancing (step forward the birthday boy Senator Innes). The night ended with some more drinking in another establishment and the meeting of the very large and tough Scottish football casual. At bedtime the clock said 7am. (sensibly Senator Innes called it a night at 6).

Monday 30th May 2009

Old fashioned team pic 2

Our flight wasn’t until late at night, so some of us (well Senator MacCallum) seized the chance to get special drunk. Throughout the day tournaments of pool and darts took place and some souvenirs were bought. You can only imagine the delight on Senator Gav’s face when he found out he was sitting beside Senators MacCallum and Gay Daz on the way home. I’ve never seen anyone put an ipod on quicker after take-off.

When we eventually landed into Edinburgh, three people on the plane clapped (they thought they were at Prestwick). The Wright Brothers flew a plane in 1909 and since then we’ve become quite good at it (admittedly there have been a few high profile exceptions), so we should really be beyond clapping on landings. Senator MacCallum delivered a small lecture on this as we taxied along the runway. Bruno Aguiar from Hearts was not thought to be one of those who clapped.

The Edinburgh contingent searched for bottles of Klinkenpoop beer in the town, got the now honking flag out, and generally carried on the carnage and misbehaviour until it was time to go home.

More details to follow when they can be fished from our collective memories.

~ by malkyboy on April 3, 2009.

One Response to “AMSTERDAM DIARY – We’re home!”

  1. If I had a mobile phone I would have text you about this rather excellent + true (apart from the naked dancing!) article! I think Mr Van Rental who has my phone has swapped it in Euro Convertooooors for a bottle of Klinkenpoop.

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