KENNY STIRLING – THE AULD YIN Official Pirate Mascot

•September 8, 2011 • Leave a Comment


We were greatly saddened to hear of the passing of Kenny Stirling, also known as ‘The Auld Yin’. Kenny was the official mascot of the pirates and his catchphrases of ‘get tae ****’ and ‘bring us back a victory boays’ were often overheard at various times in Armstrongs Bar, Glasgow from 11.01am-2.47pm on Saturday home matchdays and 2pm-7.48pm on midweek matchdays. We first met King Kenny when we sat at the table closest to the bar; it turned out we were sitting in his seat and he told us to ‘get tae ****’. As a peace offering he was presented with an inflatable sheep, and he told us to ‘get tae ****’ again. After these early misunderstandings, our relationship with him greatly improved over the years and he was happy to let us sit at his table for future games, but no-one ever sat in his seat again. You can see a plaque beside his seat where he used to nurse his pint and watch the games. We hope no-one is sitting on your bit of the cloud Auld Yin.

Sausages and Speedos

•July 18, 2011 • Leave a Comment

One of the most glittering events in the Pirate social calendar took place in Bungle’s Scheme last weekend. Despite torrential rain affecting the ‘Sausages and Speedos’ barbeque, the day was voted a huge success by seasoned partygoers, many of whom had travelled great distances in the hope of catching a glimpse of Bullet the Dog.

The highlight of this showpiece summer event saw a bronzed Bungle wow the celebrity crowd with a display of semi nude cooking; he followed this up with some controversial ‘placed sausage’ antics. Previous barbeques have been marred by a series of unfortunate incidents, most notably when the host only managed to produce 6 rolls for the guests. One insider said: ‘The rolls issue is in the past, however there was a moment when the bog-rolls supply was looking critical, but a crisis was averted’. The ‘sausage in the speedos’ episode was said to have caused gasps of surprise from up and down the Scheme as neighbours, already delighted by the variety of 1980s pop music belting out from the conservatory, frantically jostled for the best position to view what has already become a classic episode of meat-themed humour.

•March 31, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Yellow Cowdenbeaths v Scotland

•March 31, 2011 • Leave a Comment

The Chunder Chariot left Edinburgh at 12 midnight and some of us starting drinking cider and ribena. A mere 9 1/2 hours later the Vomit Comet rolled into London. The boys went straight to the pub and met Donaldinho and the Devil. Innes left the pub to meet some pals and have a jobby. Bungle got his face painted and blew a kazoo. The boys went to the Emirates, to see the Yellow Cowdenbeath’s fluke a 2-0 win. The boys got back on the bus and a mere 9 1/2 hours later they were back in Edinburgh. The time was passed playing the Race Race and talking about Jimmy Jobby-Jackson.

Spot Spag!

•March 23, 2011 • Leave a Comment

Followers of football will already know that the 28th March 2011 marks the 4th anniversary of Andy Day and the 2nd anniversary of International Day of Derek Wetter. To mark the occasion, you can play International Spot Spag (based on an original idea from Innes). The first picture is on the official SFA website and shows some of us and our flag, but can you ‘Spot Spag’?


The second picture also involves us at Hampden and is also on the SFA website, this time Spag is not as animated. Can you Spot Unhappy Spag?


Dublin Diary – The Inside Story

•February 9, 2011 • Leave a Comment

To be sure. I’m Nick O’Teen, a close friend of Gay Daz, the hairiest Pirate in the world. Holy Mary Mother of God, the boys have landed safely on the Emerald Isle, and I’m delighted to be giving you these updates that have been Potato-Wikileaked to me:

Night 1:

Andy sick on the dancefloor. Gay Daz wears novelty irish hat. Little Innes makes an appearance. Andy shows a policeman his c&ck. Innes applies cream to his ‘chaffing’. Andy rips it a new one on 1st night.

Quote of the Day: Master Innes: ‘I’ve hurt my back doing a sh1t’

Night 2:

Deek and Andy retire to hotel at 9.30. Met the Devil. Grant and Innes rip it a new one. Gay Daz goes missing. Gay Daz gets lost. Gay Daz goes AWOL. Gay Daz causes a ‘disturbance’ in the hotel lobby at 5am.

Stay tuned for more updates as I get them….to be sure……

Hooped Bawbags – An exclusive from our man in the (potato) field.

•December 3, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Sources close to the Irn Bru Tang Clan have told us that Celtic Football Club have started a campaign to have ‘Bungle-friendly’ STV weatherman Sean Batty suspended from his role on the telly. An insider at Walkers Crisps (made from only the finest quality potatoes) said: ‘It’s quite obvious that this is a campaign to undermine Neil Lennon’s regime at Parkhead. We know Aberdeen are a stick-on three points for the Hoops, and all this nonsence about there being snow is just a cover up. There’s only sunshine in Paradise. We think the game should have gone ahead’.

Despite the country being covered in a six foot blanket of snow, Celtic hingamy John Reid issued a statement calling for Mr Batty’s suspension and even went as far as to suggest Michael Fish, despite retiring some years ago, should be executed.

Peter Sloss was not available for comment.